11.11.11

So I’m supposed to be writing this privately, but since livejournal in general refuses to cooperate, I’m just going to put this on tumblr and bother all your dashboards with my rants and word vomits about life. 

I started making wishes on 11:11 two years ago. I don’t know why I still keep on wishing, or I don’t even remember the things I wished for back then, but they sure as hell never came true. Which gets me to wonder sometimes, why I even bother doing so in the first place.

Everybody’s been raving about the whole 11/11/11 at 11:11 thing and I’ve done nothing but be stuck at home and do more (possibly) relevant things. Like homework and lounging around and watching more tv shows. In short my Friday was pretty much like my sembreak only with a little more schoolwork and teenage angst.

Truth to be told I would’ve preferred to have spent it somewhere else like how I promised my orgmates I’ll be going to the GA today and how later on tonight me and my friends were supposed to have our own little Banchetto event but I’m amazing and broke and forgot to ask my mum for money as I overslept for what may have been the first time since school started.

I like wishing. It gives me the little things to think about right at that moment before I go to sleep and sometimes it gives me things to hope for in the future (ugh lol cheesy ikr) but I guess at such a “significant wishing night” like this (or at least what everyone hypes it up to be) I wouldn’t know what to wish for.

I could always wish for the same things I’ve been wishing for the whole year ‘round, like finish school, or wish for a person (which at the moment I’m still trying to get back up and right now there might be actual people, but I at least want to know for certain which one I might have actual feelings for or which one—maybe both—I just feel attracted towards to only because they’re there and there’s really no one else.) or wish to have better talents, or for pete’s sake lose weight or something but I don’t know if they’re either overwished for or not the least bit significant at this point in my life. Oh wellz.

Word vomit before everything!

School has officially begun in my life, what with all the sudden stress coming in despite the fact that my class begins at 3 in the afternoon tomorrow. I probably won’t be able to post some srs art pieces in the coming months (hopefully I prove myself wrong) and will be tearing my head off in stress soooon.

But here’s to hoping I get through everything, either way! Despite the stress, I know I have friends and mentors to count on.

I will still keep on randomly drawing though! I just don’t know if I’ll have any time to post them D:

Wherein I try to… (censored version)

Number 1: wherein I try to not make this a sad and mope-y post about my sudden lack of a social life in general, because having to mope about spilt milk is just pointless and useless and there’s really nothing to gain but annoyance and whatnot in talking about the aforementioned.

Number 2: wherein I try to talk purposefully about my internship, because I secretly love what I’m doing atm—hard but fun and LKSJDFLJSLFJK KIDS KIDS KIDS KIDS EVERYDAY

Number 3: wherein I try to talk about how I will try to work around my insecurities regarding the latter, especially that I’m nearly graduating, overloading next sem due to failing Theology. Also money issues.

Number 4: wherein I try to discuss the irony between my weight loss and my weight gain over the past few months, included in said timeframe is entry dated a few months back. I have no idea what to say about my weight gain, but safe to say that it’s definitely worse than the times I’ve also gained weight prior to my extreme weight loss of December, 2010.

Number 5: where I suddenly get lazy and opt to talk about things like this when I’m feeling verbally-empowered, and not fatigued and pissed off after a day of work where a student had bit me several times and where there was a PDA-ing couple in the keep that I rode in that seriously need to GTFO and get a room because they’re directly in front of me and making me feel like hurling. Also my bad hair day.

2011 Frustrations

  • PLASTIC MOLD SO HARD TO PAINT
  • P3 na lang ang load at may meeting bukas.
  • Inaantok kahit kakagising lang 4 hours ago.
  • BV ang nilalaro mong laro (kaya sinara mo)
  • Mabagal ang photoshop
  • Malapit nang magpasukan
  • Philo nanaman.
  • Ayaw pa ring buksan ang email inbox, pero kailangan.
  • Hindi nakikicooperate ang mouse/tablet
  • Ayaw pumunta sa gustong song ang palm. Kahit di na nakashuffle.
  • Hindi maalala kung saan nailagay ang 1k bill dlfgjlskjslkdj
  • Nakita ang dating kababata sa Facebook na miss na (dahil lumipat sila ng bahay nung nagmigrate kami sa Canada) at nalamang nandun pala siya sa bansang pinagmigrate-an dati pero wala na doon ngayon dahil ayaw na ng nanay. At pogi pa siya. Ayan.

Some unrelated Dramus

  • So my dog was howling this morning and that woke me up. We talked about it later on during lunchtime and concluded that there was most likely a ghost in my room. Yeah thanks a lot for that, my hibernation mode just went down the drain. (Yes I know this was in Facebook but I’m totes lazy to type it all over again.)
  • Last week I got my palm working again because I got a 2GB SD Card for our exchange gift thanks to the awesome awesome Danielle Cadiz. And with that said, I’m officially back to playing Solitaire everyday. What is forever alone.
  • I love riding on the back of motorcycles. I especially love the feeling of the wind blowing at my hair. Lolol I never realized that was the excitement of long hair. If I’d have known sooner, I’d have grown my hair ages ago.
  • I think I just lost my 2384628466th mechanical pencil.
  • New Year’s Resolution #1: Dress like a girl, unless you’ve been a zombie for days and otherwise, feel free to dress like a hobo.
  • It’s funny how I feel like you’re avoiding me. Whaddup, issit because it’s the end of the year already and you still have something I want—or rather, I own?
  • LOL I’LL PROLLY CONTINUE THIS LATER NA LANG. RO GAY TIEMZ

So December na bukas.

I know it’s kindov late (kung sino mang kachat ko sa Facebook kanina na nagpapatulog sakin, sarry :)) last na to promise!) but I haven’t blogged anything in forever and being this creatively blocked is just making me want to whack my head on a table until I get inspired. Truth is I haven’t been, for the past few weeks (minus that one Saturday evening wherein I just vomitted so much in one go—wow that day, I have no words.

Frankly though I just wish there was something the least bit exciting to write about. Losing my phone one great Wednesday morning doesn’t fit the bill at all—except if you find my crankiness and stupidity to be such an enthralling topic. I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t count my F-in-Theology confession to my parents one to talk about either; until now my dad is giving me the cold shoulder and this to me, being daddy’s girl through and through is just killing me on the inside. Actually, that’s probably the root of my lack of inspiration lately.

Don’t get me wrong—I mean I have had fun in the last few weeks. Having to work a lot for things that are relevant to my interests: namely design, illustration, and design + theatre mixed in a healthy dose in such ways that drive me to the brink of immense joy. I love my work—however some bits of it that don’t excite me as much (namely finances and having to deal with them ughhh)—and I don’t even think I have the guts to complain about any of them. The opportunity is more of a privilege, really, and sometimes I’m not sure if I’m still doing it right. D8

Tomorrow’s is the start of the last month of my 2010. I started it awesomely with friends and family, and I want to end it with a bang too (apparently almost not with the same people anymore, given that said people has gone so far away, le sob). At least, the good kind of bang. I want to be in good terms with my dad. Frankly that’s really all I could ask for, apart from settling a handful of debts.

Aha.

(I think I still have like, a draft waiting to be written and finished, but really, I don’t think I have the energy and/or the rage to write it. Writing about assholes do not deserve any of my time. I should go delete that, now that I think about it.)

So I was supposed to be staying up late

But I’m sleepy nowwww. And I was also supposed to go to Majo’s for her bday celeb but she suddenly postponed to Monday—AT KATIP and I don’t know. I guess I’m just too woozy today. That and my feet hurt—after 6 hours of standing in Sta Lucia IN HEELS, who wouldn’t? 

I had fun though. Today was my first JEEP insertion in Sta Lu, and the people have been so nice already. I still need to return ponytails and thank people for just being very helpful in general. AND I NEED TO SELL SOMETHING! Ffffff. Me and my lame sales talk. Fffffff.

And I should wear makeup properly next time. I hear my mom hated it when she saw me be HBIC this afternoon in the department store. She said I looked like a dead tree. I lals.

Okay sleeping now. (:| Night <3 BUT FIRST GPOYSUNDAY BECAUSE I AM SAD AND I HAD TO TAKE A PICTURE OF ME WITH THICK AMOUNTS OF MAKEUP

VAIN FFFF

Word gets round

And it makes me realize that there is reason for why I gain things, lose things, and pine over them. I’m thankful that life slapped me in the face and that made me leave halfway through that door, because now I’m almost gone.

That slap and that red mark on my face was a reality check, and that last piece of information is enough to let me know that I’ll be getting more than a slap if I stick around; that staying would entail me to a future-less future, and a re-run of whatever I worked so hard to not happen again.

Over the course of time, I have grown at least half a spine. I learned to at least stand for the things I believe in, to express my anger, my sadness, my annoyance; instead of just bottling it up in me. I learned that there are cases where I should just learn to comply, cases where I should learn to apply, and cases where I should learn to suppy.

I grew up. I learned that being nice all the time is not a very considerate thing to do. I underwent a journey of self-discovery, and I am already halfway through. It’s been a long one, and I know it just doesn’t end there yet. 

Because I’m still alive.

There will come more opportunities to meet people, to experience events, to feel emotions I’ve never felt before. There will be more canvases to draw over, more tables to vandalize, more bathrooms to sing in. And I realize that this will be the case until I die. Until I finish whatever I have to do, and met whoever I needed to meet.

I still don’t know if I truly will fail Theology 131. I still don’t know what color my bathroom will be. I still don’t know when the immense dust in between the keys of my keyboard will be cleaned. I still don’t know when my next double cheeseburger session will be. And I still don’t know if I’ll ever have a favorite color.

But one thing’s for sure: whatever happens, I will learn to accept and embrace it. It may not be in that exact moment, but I will come to appreciate it soon enough. Because I will make use of everything life throws at me.

So this week

I have gotten through a rollercoaster of emotions, but mostly really I’ve been feeling tired, cranky, sleepy, and sometimes elated. I’ve been late for a ton of classes, (or mostly my locker reg shifts and FA170 classes huhuhu ilu Tantoco and Sir Elbert :(((( ) because I’ve been oversleeping—which is funny because it’s only like 4 weeks back in school and I’m already like this; wherein last year this had only happened after the holidays flew by.


This is why I am thanking the heavens that it is already Friday night and I know I can procrastinate in the weekend because I will catch up with all the sleep I lost and reconnect with people and just basically have an RnR with life. 


But really, a big heap of thanks to the people who’ve tried to keep me sane all week, especially because sometimes my panic attacks come out of nowhere and get really irrelevant in my life. Thank you for worrying, but look! I’m still alive, I’m still okay, and my brain hasn’t gone down the drain yet! :D Surprisingly I’m even doing well in Philo, even tho I do I admit sometimes I really don’t think. I aced my first Philo test, and even got a bonus for being one of the 5 people who answered the logic puzzle in time. HURRR.


I had two GAs this week: DSWS and FAC. Both were Mafia-themed, but I guess it was more serious today (the FAC) because we even had to wear a Mafia-themed costume and had Mocktails and Mafia games and everything else in between (I LOVE TURON BTW BTW BTW) and yeah. Both gave me a headache (well in a good way, because the stress was elating) but I really really enjoyed. Of course there had lied the whole me being in charge of the GA (DS) and the runway (FAC — WHEREIN I HAD A MASSIVE WARDROBE MALFUNCTION LE SOOOBBBB) that really made me very very nervous, but I guess that all turned out okay. :)


Still looking forward to a very awesome year ahead! I’m surprised I’m now officially able to come up with long winded blogs after so many months of not being able to. :’)


AND HEY MY HEART IS STILL ALIVE. I GUESS IT’S BEATING REGULARLY AGAIN, THANK YOU LIFE. HINDI KA NA BITCH. YOU GAVE ME A GUN AND SOMEONE ELSE’S VAGINA TO SHOOT. J3J3J3J3J3 (I guess imma save this story for another entry? I’m just too elated to even bother talk about this. Baka mairita na lang ako. :))) )


Night!